Goodbye Delia, we'll miss you

PUBLISHED: 15:29 04 August 2006 | UPDATED: 22:02 28 May 2010

IT is finally about to happen. The world, other than Norwich City FC, will no longer have a use for Delia Smith. Scientists have seen to that with their latest culinary invention - self-timing eggs which will guarantee both yolk and white will be cooked

IT is finally about to happen. The world, other than Norwich City FC, will no longer have a use for Delia Smith.

Scientists have seen to that with their latest culinary invention - self-timing eggs which will guarantee both yolk and white will be cooked to the required consistency.

Technological wizardry behind this revolution has created thermochromic ink. It is invisible and painted on the egg shell. Three minutes after being dropped into boiling water the word 'soft' appears on the shell. The chef in charge will then know that he, or she, has a soft-boiled egg and that it is time to rescue it from the pan.

Other eggs have the words 'medium' or 'hard' on them. It takes four minutes for 'medium' to appear and seven for 'hard'.

Epicurean experts will wonder immediately if this vital technology can be applied to fried or poached eggs. Probably not; but our boffins will doubtless soon develop a means of establishing the state of all egg yolks during all types of cooking, so we can all know at a glance how easy it will be to dip our soldiers.

It would be simple to develop the 'is it done yet?' technology for our vegetables. When they are cooked al dente, which I'm told means not mushy, perhaps the gadget could emit a bleep, followed by a mournful moan when the mushy state is achieved.

I rather think another method will have to be devised for mushy peas.

Then, of course we could deal with the tricky matter of cooking steak. A device, similar to that used for vegetables, could be poked into the meat during cooking. One moo from the gadget would mean the steak had reached the 'rare' stage. Two moos would signify 'medium' and three bellowing moos would reveal that it is totally wrecked - sorry, well done.

Quite clearly there are no limits to the value of this technology. It could revolutionise the world's kitchens. All a bit fanciful? Well, maybe. But think of the possible savings - no-one would need to buy a Delia Smith cookery book again in order to learn basic cooking techniques.

Then think of the potential benefits to health. This revolution just might lead to more people learning to cook, thus reducing reliance, particularly by the young, on junk food and takeaways.

Well, we can dream. Can't we?

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