Members acting like animals

PUBLISHED: 12:39 12 October 2007 | UPDATED: 23:06 28 May 2010

It s fairly noisy in our house at the moment - thanks to the recent excitement about a general election. No fewer than three members of our extended family have decided they want to be candidates. Life would be quieter if they d decided to stand for the s

It's fairly noisy in our house at the moment - thanks to the recent excitement about a general election. No fewer than three members of our extended family have decided they want to be candidates.

Life would be quieter if they'd decided to stand for the same party.

Take Madam Misty (that's a nickname to preserve her blushes - as if she could blush).

She believes she was born into the ruling class - something you can tell from a strange, clipped sound she makes when upset: "Myah." She considers herself totally above the sordid business of having to put herself up in front of a selection committee and then actually being nice to the general public. "Just too demeaning, my dear."

But Misty would make a highly intelligent, efficient and effective MP, just so long as you didn't expect her to listen to anyone.

Next there's 'Red' Husty (another nickname). He knows his rights and expects the State to provide for his every whim.

Once a barrack room lawyer, later a full time shop steward, he's grown into a lovable old softie. A bit of flattery and a fillet of fresh salmon will have him eating out of your hand.

One problem is we're not that certain what he gets up to at night so his private life might count against him if it ever became public.

Then there's old Oscar. That's his real name and he's happy for me to use it.

He's very fond of this paper which he recycles every week - first as bedding and then in his loo. He may yawn a lot in public and give the impression of being a bit 'slow'. In reality, he's seriously shrewd, if lazy. His friends say it's not laziness: he just prefers to save his energy.

The question is, if they were selected, whom would you vote for?

What makes a good MP - and have you made your views known? You should, even if there isn't an election until 2009.

Of course, Misty, Husty and Oscar have a serious obstacle to overcome. Although they've taken British nationality, they weren't born British. This will count against them around here. Even more so as their homeland is Iran.

Mid you, they prefer to call it Persia, not least because all three are long-haired Persians. Miaow.

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