No, you couldn't make it up!

PUBLISHED: 13:29 20 April 2007 | UPDATED: 22:44 28 May 2010

There are times I wonder if I m living in a madhouse. Some of the things that now go on in this land of ours are so dotty that you either have to cry out loud or simply sigh and say: You couldn t make it up. For starters, there are the lunatic Fenland d

There are times I wonder if I'm living in a madhouse. Some of the things that now go on in this land of ours are so dotty that you either have to cry out loud or simply sigh and say: "You couldn't make it up."

For starters, there are the lunatic Fenland drivers who still think that overtaking at 80mph on a road alongside a drain or river is a good idea despite the number of recent deaths.

For them, it seems worth gambling the rest of their life (and that of any other motorist within reach) in order to get home by 5.28pm instead of 5.30pm.

Linked to that is an important piece of recent research which reveals that the safest male drivers are called Ian. If you are called Ben, bad luck. Statistically, you are much more likely to crash your car. It's true. I read it in a newspaper.

There are other facts of life which can be proved without difficulty. You may think Switzerland is a gentle land full of cuckoo clocks and yodelling ski instructors. In fact, tucked away within the chalet homesteads of the Swiss people are half a million semi-automatic machine guns.

It makes you think. Like the time I was talking to a Fen car boot dealer. He opened the door of his four-wheel-drive monster and out fell a can of CS gas.

Another bizarre fact is that everyone in Whittlesey and much of Wisbech seems totally happy that Fenland District Council provides wonderful value for our Council Tax, and is generally doing a wonderful job.

Otherwise, the locals would all be queuing up to oppose the present bunch of councillors in the approaching elections. I mean, there's even the incentive that, if you get elected, you could pick up something approaching £10,000 a year by way of allowances.

On a sillier note, for readers who live in Norfolk, there's another bit of fun. Two members of staff from our sister paper, the Eastern Daily Press, have been appointed joint press officers for Norwich City Council. They are Lynette Alcock and Richard Balls. Given some Norfolk gentlemen's habit of referring to people by their surnames, I wonder who they ask for when they ring that particular press office?

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