You can always rely on an idiot

PUBLISHED: 13:46 29 September 2006 | UPDATED: 22:16 28 May 2010

THE world is full of idiots. I m not thinking of obvious ones like the politicians who think that invading another country is the way to make your enemies like you. There was a wonderful Christian lady on radio last week who was convinced Jews and Muslims

THE world is full of idiots. I'm not thinking of obvious ones like the politicians who think that invading another country is the way to make your enemies like you. There was a wonderful Christian lady on radio last week who was convinced Jews and Muslims wouldn't reach heaven.

"So Jesus won't be there?" asked her interviewer.

"Of course he will."

"But he was a Jew," the interviewer replied.

"You are so wrong," she countered. "Jesus was a true American."

In Fenland we have plenty of home-grown idiots. I was driving along the A605, just entering a 30mph zone when a young woman driver overtook me at something like 60mph and then braked madly to get back into the stream of traffic.

We all braked harshly. There could have been a spectacular shunt.

Half a mile further on, she turned into her front garden. She must have saved at least two seconds on her journey, risked a series of crashes and taken miles off the tyres of all the vehicles that had to brake without warning - including hers.

Another idiot I'm fed up with is the government or health service official who decreed we can have 'same-day' doctors' appointments.

Brilliant if it's urgent but not so good if it's merely routine. Last Thursday, I needed a follow-up appointment after some blood tests. Don't worry: you won't catch anything from reading this column: it's only a cholesterol problem stemming from an addiction to gorgonzola.

It was impossible to book my appointment a week in advance. I tried the afternoon before. No appointments available. I rang at 8.30am on the day. "Is 9.30am OK?" It was - but I'd had to cancel a whole series of commitments that morning so as to be free at whatever time the appointment might be offered.

Finally, there are a whole bunch of local idiots who stuff things down manholes. Anglian Water has recently discovered cutlery and false teeth in our sewers. OK, accidents happen. Incredibly, they've also found mattresses, fridges and a false leg!

Mind you, Anglian Water has its own idiot who posts a 20-page magazine with every water bill but who hasn't yet discovered that apostrophes aren't like confetti. You don't just sprinkle them where they look pretty.

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