Brakespeare: Sex in the park, matchstick man, party pooper (not), holiday heaven and Graham’s salary fixed- for sure

THERE is nothing remotely funny about the case at Cambridge Crown Court in which a couple was prosecuted for having sex in a Wisbech par

Not unless of course you exclude the extraordinary remark by Judge Coleman who told them that “you clearly don’t think that Sundays should be a day of rest, certainly from sexual activity.”

THE PR guru that is James Kay invited me to attend a ceremony in Ely this week to commemorate the opening of M&S within BP’s petrol forecourt acquired recently from Jonathan James.

“There’ll be a couple of promo staff on site and the obligatory cutting of a ribbon,” promised Mr Kay.

“Would you be interested in attending to create a story?”

With an invitation like one wonders how Mr Kay performs when he’s actually interested in an event?

DEFINITELY the season to be jolly- and for a real ‘wow’ moment how about the visit to Peterborough on November 29 for a visit by the Coca Cola Christmas truck?

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“Bridge Street will be transformed into a snowy, winter wonderland complete with Christmas trees and festive helpers on hand to serve chilled Coca-Cola, Diet Coke and Coke Zero, “ gushes a certain and aptly named Pep Cipriano, Commercial Operations Communications Manager.

There will even be a performance by the Coca Cola Christmas choir.

The city council reckons the “truck and entertainment that comes with it will spread seasonal cheer and add to the festive atmosphere the city centre generates at this time of year.”

That’s ok then.

THE office of the Ely Standard is 38 Market Street: the Bishop lives elsewhere unless he’s been camping out in our partially closed off first floor!

We assumed not and forwarded this letter which arrived the other day.


COUNTY councillor Steve Tierney told readers of his blog that for the police commission elections “I had two proxy votes to cast for mum and stepfather who are away on vacation in Leverington”.

And very nice too it is this time of year.

A village website notes Leverington has “a thriving business community with agriculture and horticulture, light engineering, service industries and more.

“The village of has a long history and continues to grow and develop. The fine church dates from the early 13th century and is in regular use.”

There’s also a school with 175 pupils but its IT suite “is for the use of the community and has evening classes for beginners.”

A holiday heaven.

MOST helpful that newly elected Cambs police commissioner Sir Graham Bright moved quickly to clear up any doubt about his salary.

It wasn’t the easiest of Monday morning interviews with BBC Radio Cambridgeshire ‘Rottweiler’ Paul Stainton but at least it got sorted.

Here’s how it went.

PAUL STAINTON: What salary are you going to take Graham?

GRAHAM BRIGHT: I haven’t been down to look at that yet. It’s the last thing on my mind. I want to just ...

PAUL STAINTON: What, fifty grand, sixty grand, eighty grand, hundred grand?

GRAHAM BRIGHT: (LAUGHS) In actual fact the Government have decreed it seventy. So they’re you are.

PAUL STAINTON: So you’ll take that will you?

GRAHAM BRIGHT: Well I shall need some money to do those things that I want to do. Yes.

PAUL STAINTON: So that’s a yes. Seventy grand is it? Is that a yes?

GRAHAM BRIGHT: Yes it’s a yes.

JONATHAN Whiteland asks on Twitter whether “it is entirely appropriate for Cambridgeshire Police to inform us of a burglary of our property on a “With Compliments” slip?

Fair point. Discuss.


A MATCH-stick masterpiece of Ely’s Old Palace is desperately seeking a new home where it can be enjoyed by the public.

The replica model, which contains hundreds of matchsticks, was left behind by the former inhabitants of the palace, Sue Ryder Care, where they left the building in 2010.

The model was inherited by the King’s School when they took on the building but has been sitting in cling film in a small chapel since then, hidden from public view.

Now, the school is keen to see the labour of love in the public eye and discussions are underway with Ely Museum about finding it a more permanent home.

Mark Hart, director of operations at King’s Ely, said: “We understand that the gentlemen who made it has died and it was his families’ wish is that it goes on display. We have been in touch with Ely Museum and are discussing with them how we can go about doing that.”

Do you know who made the model? Drop me a line if you’d be so kind.

(Ely47Kingsschool 4556

(Ely 47Kings school 4554)

NOT that I could ever be described as a party pooper BUT a promotional video for The Loveable Rogues- due in Ely next week for the Christmas Lights switch on- comes complete with seat belt transgressions.

The group – who were among the finalists in ITV’s Britain’s Got Talent- have built a huge fan base since appearing on the show and will be in Ely on November 30 for the switch on.

But your diarist feels that perhaps the video of them on YouTube – seen by over 3million people in a matter of months- is not the best advertisement for road safety.

In early parts of the video they are shown with seat belts, but later on the seat belts come off the front seat passenger and are noticeably absent by the ‘jack in the Box’ rear seat group member.

Perhaps Simon Cowell’s Syco company that manages the group might use some of their �5,000 Ely fee to re shoot pertinent parts of the video.

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