I adore Stilton cheese. My wife does too. And so, I believe, do just about all members of my family. So when Christmas and birthdays come around shall I buy all female members of the Asplin clan a bottle of the new Stilton perfume? I think not. The makers

I adore Stilton cheese. My wife does too. And so, I believe, do just about all members of my family.

So when Christmas and birthdays come around shall I buy all female members of the Asplin clan a bottle of the new Stilton perfume? I think not.

The makers of Eau de Stilton claim their creation has the "earthy and fruity aroma" of the popular blue cheese and that it is an eminently wearable perfume.

They must be joking. That seems to be a total contradiction.

It's not readily available yet, so I don't think I'll be able to check first hand on the value of its supposed "earthy and fruity" aroma. We'll just have to wait to see just how imaginative our women, and their husbands and boyfriends, are.

In the meantime, might I suggest we practise getting used to this new aroma by nurturing a pile of well-worn smelly socks.

My bet is that it won't catch on.

It looks as if large numbers of people studying at evening classes are to face a massive hike in fees.

A change in Government policy means charges will be introduced for many courses which are currently free and there will be a steep rise in the cost of other evening and part-time courses.

Under these new rules more further education cash will be used to support young people who flunked school.

Those failed by the education system, for whatever reason, obviously deserve support. But it is painfully ironic that public money is being spent on people, many of whom don't want to learn and never will, at the expense of the millions who decide to take evening classes because they genuinely want to learn.

A case of misappropriation of funds?

The Lancashire police constable convicted by magistrates of common assault for giving two teenage yobbos an old-fashioned clip round the ear has had his conviction overturned by a Crown Court judge.

What's more, the judge said the officer's response to taunting by the teenagers was "in the best interests of the police force".

Fenland police take note. Next time you feel the need to mete out similar punishment to the empty-headed hooligans who reckon they are above the law, just remember Pc Sean Mullaney, of Wigan.